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Friday, March 17th, 2006
1:04 am
We're playing ourselves right out of a playoff spot. It seems so impossible in October. I forget that the beginning is the good part; that's always been my problem.

But it isn't over yet.

Is it.

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Sunday, March 12th, 2006
10:21 pm
Shuffle the deck. See what we draw tonight. A loss, a win. A goal, an injury. A drink, a friend, a fight, a fuck, keep playing. Keep playing the same stupid game.

Scott, I tried to call, but I couldn't remember the number.

It could have been one drink. It could have been a lot more. The glass always feels the same in my hand.

Just one more for the road.

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Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
11:41 pm
Uncle.

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Sunday, January 8th, 2006
1:19 am - looking both forward and backward
In case anyone was wondering, I'm not doing anything next Saturday. Besides, you know, playing. Not that anyone was, but just in case, there's one less burning question to keep you up at night.

I'm going to go eat some spaghetti now.

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Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
12:23 pm - 45 hours and counting
Sometimes, when I am sitting here and not sleeping and getting more and more worried I will never sleep again, I think I must have the most fucked up romantic life ever. And then I read about friends and it is sort of sickly reassuring that, hey, maybe I don't. Reassuring and scary, and for anyone that has a broken heart right now, I am sorry.

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Friday, November 4th, 2005
9:27 pm - a good night
That was fun. Great game, everyone.

current mood: accomplished

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Saturday, October 29th, 2005
6:57 pm - again
Only good thing about being out is that I am the only guy no one can blame. Well. Unless you are going to blame me for being out, and then, trust me, a week of this ice pack is more than enough punishment.

Okay, I should say something comforting and supportive. Like 'it was just an off night' or 'we'll get them next time.' So let's pretend I did that.

You know there was a time when I used to be a nice guy. I wish I knew what happened.

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Thursday, October 27th, 2005
11:41 am - barnslighet
There was a time when I was very glad just to be kept with the team, not to be traded away or even sent down. Now, I am not sure I can even see that time anymore. It seems very far away.

In other, non bitchy-teammate news, I saw Dan on Sunday.

Yeah.

We were both at home and we both had a few days off, and I finally got tired of saying no, so he came to see me. It was...surprisingly nice to see him. It is hard to remember sometimes that he is a an evil bastard that I hate. But then, it is also hard to remember sometimes that he used to be a very good friend.

I don't know. I believe in second chances. Maybe it is time to give him one.

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Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
4:31 pm - tick-tock
If it comes down to fists again, I am putting my money on Saku this time. From a safe distance, of course.

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Friday, October 14th, 2005
1:22 pm - collect call
Dan called last night. I don't know how he got my number, I do not really know anyone else on Devils. He wanted to see me. I told him our teams met next month, but I don't think that's what he meant. It's really stupid to even consider it. He's an asshole. But maybe I am really that lonely.

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Thursday, October 13th, 2005
12:47 pm - five down, 77 to go
Congratulations to Yann on his first NHL win. It was a good game all around, especially for people named Yann/Jan. It is still weird to be back here, and for team to be doing so well...but it is a kind of weird I will take.

Some day I will stop watching highlights from San Jose, but that day is not today.

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Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
12:40 pm - game 1
Opening day. This is what I have been waiting for, right? So. It is only natural my hands should be shaking. My heart hammering. My mouth, completely dry. Only natural.

I think I might be sick.

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Monday, September 26th, 2005
12:15 am - schedules
I had my weekly appointment with Dr. Hsiao today. She wanted to change my medication. It makes me a little nervous, but she is a doctor and I am not, so I said okay. So now I have this new stuff I can not pronounce. We talked about other things, too, but I am tired so I am not going to go into them right now. I forgot about dinner and stood Jose up. I will have to apologize and probably buy him dinner now. I don't know why I'm such a jerk sometimes.

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Saturday, September 24th, 2005
11:25 pm
It has been exactly a year since I last wrote in this. How weird is that? I don't know why I did tonight. I had no teammates except Jose here the last time I used it, and now it seems like all my teammates are here. Which is...what it is, I guess.

All of the goaltenders on my team are weird. I guess that is not surprising because all goaltenders are weird, but...they are really weird. And sort of...you know, Jose is my friend so I will not say more, but, yes.

I could write about everything I did in the last year, but that would take a long time, and anyway, it is in the past. Honestly, I can barely even remember it. Everything has felt very hollow for a very long time now.

My first post in a year, and I have managed to say pretty much nothing. Do not expect too much from me.

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Friday, September 24th, 2004
10:50 am - taxes
Markus, you jerk, like you do not have the money. :p It is going to be so lonely now, practicing by myself and not able to play for so long. :( Please NHL work things out?

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Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
1:00 pm - Sverige
Back home, playing for MODO with old friends and actually having a lot of fun. Of course I would rather be in the NHL, blah blah blah but I forget when I am away how much I miss Sweden until I come back. This is always my home and I know when I retire I will come back here to live. In the mean time...League is like mini-NHL right now! And it does not hurt that all the best players are on my team. We are such a lucky little town. ;)

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Thursday, July 15th, 2004
8:15 am - re-signed
You can not get rid of me that easy. Now, there just needs to be hockey next year, because if I have to watch all of you dazzle MoDo I really will go crazy. ;)

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Monday, May 31st, 2004
7:39 pm - out west
Now that I have been home to see my family and friends, I feel like getting out of here again. I thought maybe somewhere in California, you know, I still have lot of friends there. If maybe any of my friends there wanted to get together and do something some day, or even some days, that would be pretty cool.

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Monday, April 26th, 2004
11:19 am - game threes
Playoff hockey leaves no time to update. We are not playing well. But we came back before from 0-2, we will do it again. I am glad I get to play at least few minutes. I have hardly time to do anything, but still I manage to see some of Sharks games. I saw a certain someone score two goals on the Blues. Nice job, Korky. :p

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Saturday, March 27th, 2004
10:43 am - wait and see
Oh my god, it is so long since I updated this. I have been very busy, first to recover from stupid concussion, then try to move up in standings. Everyone here is hold their breath until playoffs. It looks like we will make it, but still, strange things happen, no one wants to mess up. I have not been able to see as many San Jose games as I want, because they are on so late and now there are only five games I need sleep, but I see highlights and they look so good. I wish I am still in San Jose a little, but also I like it very much here. There have been some bad game but mostly team plays very well. I am excited, Jose plays very well and so many young guys step up. We will see what happens, we will just have to wait and see.

current mood: hopeful

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